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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #7221
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me?
    That babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?”
    “Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject has finally come up and she won’t have to explain it to her daughter.
    “But when a baby’s actually being born,” responded the teenager, “how does it get past your teeth?”.........
     
    #7224
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal*Mart when they collide:
    The first old guy says to the second guy. "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
    The second old guy says. "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
    The first says. "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
    The second old guy says. "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
    The first old guy says. "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
     
    #7225
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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Premature Ejaculation.
    I remember going on a first date when I had to broach this subject.
    We had only been in the restaurant 10 minutes when I blurted out “ I have to explain something, I suffer from Premature Ejaculation” “That’s presumptuous” she replied, “I haven’t decided whether I was going to sleep with you. “
    “ I know it’s just I didn’t want you to think I had wet myself. “
     
    #7226
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Got a note through my door today that read, “Meet me 8pm tonight behind the bus depot if you like having your c*ck sucked – signed, Kinky School Girl xxx”
    So I went there, waited for ages. No one turned up.
    Went back home. My house had been burgled.
     
    #7227
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #7228
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  9. Diego

    Diego Lone Ranger

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    Two blondes walking through a forest come across a set of tracks.
    First blonde.........Oh look, deer tracks
    Second blonde.........Don't be stupid they're Badger tracks


    They were still arguing when the train hit them.
     
    #7229
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  10. Diego

    Diego Lone Ranger

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    Two Nuns cycling through the village on the way back to the convent

    First Nun..........iv'e never come this way before
    Second Nun.....neither have i, must be the cobbles,
     
    #7230
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  11. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    My last girlfriend was so self-absorbed.
    Didn't even mention me in her suicide note.
     
    #7231
  12. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    often wondered what does an occasional table do with the rest of it's time
     
    #7232
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  13. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Little Johnny in class
    The teacher says
    Sara what do we get from chickens
    Egg’s she replied
    Well done said the teacher
    Timothy what do we get from pigs
    Bacon he replied
    Excellent said the teacher
    Johnny what do we get from big fat cows
    Johnny replied
    Homework
     
    #7236
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Just had some great financial news, couldn’t have come at a better time with the cost of living crisis
    The kid I sponsored in Africa has been eaten by a lion
     
    #7237
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    bloody meal was cold when it arrived
     
    #7238
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2023
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  19. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    I know, I sponsored that lion through the World Wildlife Fund. Well done, Leo. Don't thank me, Roger, glad to be of help. <cheers>
     
    #7239
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    • There is hell to pay in Bradford tonight.
    • Petrol had gone up by another 5 rupee"s
     
    #7240
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