Off Topic Jokes thread

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Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad," gushed Son No. 1.
'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father.
"Important thing is we're all together today."
Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mum look great, Dad.
I just flew in from Sydney between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father.
"We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived.
"Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said,
"There's something your mum and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.
"You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mum and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said,
"WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep", said the father,
"Cheap ones too..."

 

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LIVE SCENES: Chelsea's new signings have all just arrived for their first training session

 

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Two Indian men relocate to Australia.
When they depart, one of the Indians says to the other, “You know what? We’re both from India, but since we’re already in Australia, why not settle down? I mean, truly become true blue Aussies! Here’s my suggestion: we split apart for six months and attempt to absorb the culture.
Then, after six months, we can hang out again, and to make things interesting, the most Australian among us gets a gets shouted a beer by the other, sound good?”
The other Indian guy agrees that this is a fantastic idea, and they separate ways.
Six months pass, and they finally meet in a local pub, as agreed.
The first Indian man is convinced that he has won the bet and tells his friend, “Mate, I’ve got this one hands down.
I’m as Aussie as it gets Cobba! I drive my Commodore down to the beach every week with a six pack of VBs in my esky and watch the footy religiously, I am as True Blue as it gets mate! ”
The other Indian guy just says, “Aww shut the **** up ya currymuncher!”

 

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