BEER vs. VAGINA: 1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER 2. Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA 3. A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER 4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA 5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a,scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being. 6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. One point to VAGINA 7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend. One point to VAGINA 8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA 9. You normally don't find old beer. One point to BEER 10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen God. One point to VAGINA 11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun. One point to VAGINA 12. In most countries there's a tax on beer. One point to VAGINA 13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off. One point to BEER 14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER 15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it settles down. One point to BEER 16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc. One point to BEER 17. You always know how much beer is going to cost. One point to BEER 18. Beer doesn't have a mother. One point to BEER 19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you drink it. One point to BEER FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8 That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them. An extra point for BEER!
The Mrs has left me because I'm too insecure.... No, wait she's back.... She was just making a cup of tea....
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a greal ruler.
Australia calls in an expert to find it's missing radioactive isotope. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-64481317 please log in to view this image
My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. l've lived here for 235 years and not noticed anything strange.
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out. "Oh bigboy, whip me, whip me!" The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy. About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks. "Did you get these marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did. Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims. "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring...... Wait for it...... " " " " " " " " " " " " " You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.
I went to the doctors and he said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said: “What like burgers?” He said: “No fatty, just don’t eat anything.”
