The missus wanted me to take her to Vegas to see The Temptations... I ended up taking her to Primark to see Four Tops instead....!!!
Paddy is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my vagina?" "Yes, I'm sorry," Paddy replies and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite all right," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the vagina blows him a kiss. Paddy, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder vagina can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. Paddy stares in amazement as the vagina winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Paddy moves over and she smiles and asks,"Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, Paddy replies, "You’re kidding—you mean it can whistle, too?”
When I was a teenager I used to sneak a look at my mam's catalogue and toss myself off ... ... it wasn't easy but, even now, the sight of a well formed parsnip can get me going
If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?
My missus is leaving me because of my obsession with TV Police dramas. For the benefit of the tape, she just left the room!
