Word is that Leeds are after a new striker. They are currently interviewing prospective signings from Rail workers, Postmen, Nurses and a Teacher.
The police knocked at the door late last night, and said. "Where were you at 20.05 tonight?" I replied, "Well, as it happens, at 8pm I took the missus to the bedroom, for a bit of you know what." The missus shouted from the kitchen "yeah that's right . . . . but **** knows where he was at 5 past !"
A bloke walked in on his wife pleasuring herself with a cucumber. "You filthy bitch" he says. "I was going to eat that later, and now it'll taste of cucumber"
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear;' replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
a couple of police turned up at my door last night, the senior one looked me up and down and said 'mr smith, yes i replied'...do the letters BS mean anything to you, no i replied how about LJ, nope them neither...'look what's all this about,am i being arrested or something?...'not at this stage sir, it's just we're making initial enquiries
