I had this sexy girl, flat on her back outside a club last night. We were locking lips, it was getting passionate and hot, then some people started to gather around and watch. To put on a show, I thought I'd slip a few fingers into her fanny while I gently kissed her neck. That's when her boyfriend said, "You don't know CPR, do you?"
The owner & bartender, was so sure that he was the strongest man around, that he offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money. Many people had tried, over the years: weightlifters, longshoremen, football players etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar,wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar. After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a meek voice: "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter in the pub had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed the heck out of it..... Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. The Crowd's laughter turned to total silence.... as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000, and then asked little man: "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The little fellow quietly replied: "No, I work for The Tax Office!"
