An American tourist stood by watching an Irish farmer dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he said ‘Hey, pal, what are your doing? I’m digging up potatoes, sir’ ‘Potatoes? Those tiny things? You call them potatoes? Back home in Milwaukee we have potatoes 10 times that size!’ “Yes sir, but you see, we only grow them to fit our mouths!”
Sixth-grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear that one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
How was your blind date?" A college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner."
I am ****ing fuming I’ve just been asked by a group of kids outside ASDA if I would get them 20 Richmond. Stupidly I agreed, they gave me £10 and I went in and bought them. You should have heard the abuse I got from them when I handed over their change and the packet Cheeky little buggers, I told them the next time they can go in and get their own sausages!!!
I don't know if it's just me, but I only use the public library to access the computers . . . . and I always leave the search page open at "how to clean spunk of your keyboard"
