1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 669 of 830
  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13361
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 19, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13362
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 20, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, BluefromBridgend, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,347
    Likes Received:
    294,277
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13363
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,347
    Likes Received:
    294,277
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13364
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,347
    Likes Received:
    294,277
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13365
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,347
    Likes Received:
    294,277
    Because of multi-faith, multi-culturalism and diversity I decided to obtain full legal advice before posting:
    "Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress , non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all .
    I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022, but not without due respect for the Calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great ( not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .
    By accepting this greeting, please be advised that you are accepting these terms :
    This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
    It is freely transferable on the proviso that there is no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
    The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
    Best Regards ( without prejudice )
    Name withheld (Privacy Act)"

    Or, in plain English:
    Bollocks!!!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
     
    #13366
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,401
    Likes Received:
    256,837
    upload_2022-12-22_23-52-35.png
     
    #13367
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 22, 2022
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,401
    Likes Received:
    256,837
    upload_2022-12-23_15-19-47.png
     
    #13368
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 23, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,401
    Likes Received:
    256,837
    upload_2022-12-23_15-32-57.jpeg
     
    #13369
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Makemstine Roger like this.
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    My missus just asked, "Can you get some bleach and some washing powder whilst you're out?"
    "Can you not wait until you've opened your Christmas presents?" I replied.
     
    #13370
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.

  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    I was reading the dosage instructions on my wifes new antibiotic prescription. "F*cking hell," I said, "You're going to struggle to take these."
    "Why?" she asked. "Its just two tablets, four times a day."
    " 'On an empty stomach' ?" I quoted.
     
    #13371
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13372
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    A guy walks into a bar, and he's got a duck on a biscuit tin. Barman says, "What's that?" Guy says, "It's a dancing duck, watch." He puts the duck on the biscuit tin on the bar and after a few minutes the duck stands up and begins to bob from one foot to the other, just like it was doing a little dance. "That's fantastic!" says the barman. "That'd make a great talking point for my pub! I'd like to buy it!" They agree a price and the guy goes off.

    The next morning, the barman opens up, and he proudly puts the duck on the biscuit tin on the bar and waits for it to start dancing. Nothing, it just sits on the biscuit tin on the bar. Barman tries everything he can think of to get it so dance: feeds it, gives it some water, plays it some music. All to no avail, it just sits there on the biscuit tin on the bar.

    Barman's right getting' the hump now, just when the guy walks in again. "Oi!" says the barman, "This duck you sold me is a dud, it doesn't dance!" The guy looks surprised and says, "Hang on, let me have a look." So he takes the duck off the biscuit tin and puts it in the bar, then he takes the lid off the biscuit tin and has a look inside.

    "Oh, no wonder!" he says, "You forgot to light the candle."
     
    #13373
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13374
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13375
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13376
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13377
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,196
    Likes Received:
    147,673
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13378
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 23, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,401
    Likes Received:
    256,837
    upload_2022-12-24_9-31-0.png
     
    #13379
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 24, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    137,401
    Likes Received:
    256,837
    upload_2022-12-26_10-20-12.png
     
    #13380
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 26, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
Page 669 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page