I was thrown out of the staff room at the local Woolworths today. They asked me what I was doing there, and I told them that I was on a break. They said "you don't work here." I said "I've just finished using the self-service checkout, so obviously I do."
I just nicked it, you know, Snaggey . . . . I'm not clever Mind, I did make up the one above your post
My missus ran at me with a knife last night screaming, "Golf, golf, f*cking golf is all you think about you selfish c*nt!", I was f*cking terrified...you don't expect to meet anybody on the ninth green at 10.30pm.
F*CKING arse holes IM GONNA FIND YOU!!!!! I can't believe this has happened to me right on top of Christmas too. I just got home to find all the windows wide open!! They've taken everything. it's all gone! I'm waiting for the police! The dirty rotten thieving b*stards. What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? You are not human. You are low life scum!!!!!..............That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all my chocolates.
If you're feeling sad and lonely this Christmas. Just remember that no one loves you the rest of the year, so you're no worse off. Have a happy Christmas
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
