Recent scientific study has found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle . . . . for example, when ovulating she prefers a man with rugged masculine features. When she is menstruating she prefers a man doused in petrol, set on fire with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump rammed up his arse !
A couple driving home run over a badger. They get out and find that it's still breathing, but freezing cold and barely alive. He says, "Put it between your legs to warm it up." She says, "It's all wet and it stinks, though." He says, "Well hold its ****ing nose, then !"
This is what we should all do . . . . I’m not sending any Christmas cards again this year. Instead I’ll be spending the money that I would’ve spent on cards and postage on an exceptionally good 25yr old malt whisky that I’ve wanted to try for ages, and hope that you all understand
