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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13283
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
    So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
    Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
    When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
    He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
    He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
    Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!).
    'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
    It works Fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
    'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep,
    'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
    Have a nice day.
     
    #13284
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13285
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Claude is 81, and Maude is 79. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town, and they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. Whilst basking in the glow of the magic moments that they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts . . . . Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known that she was still a virgin, I'd have been more gentle.'
    Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known that he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off.'
     
    #13288
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I’ve been taking viagra for my sunburn
    It doesn’t cure it
    But it helps keep the sheets off my legs during the night
     
    #13289
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13290
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13291
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13293
  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13295
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was walking down the road last night when I was tripped over by a violin.

    It was quickly followed by a bassoon to the face and finally a cello fell on my head.

    It was an orchestrated attack.
     
    #13298
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13299
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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