Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

When it comes to wrapping irregular shapes, like kittens, it helps to wrap them tightly with a few layers of cling film

 

Just been up in loft and found last years present for the kids - shame that they would have loved that kitten

 

Coincidentally we put one up there and clean forgot about it until we noticed a drip coming through the ceiling ...

... it was puss

 

Hope it didn't drip in your boots

 

A woman from Sydney, a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter, bought a piece of native bushland in northern NSW .
There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property, and she wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the tree.
As she neared the top she encountered a koala that attacked her, and in her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.
She told him that she was an environmentalist, vegetarian, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all of the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor re-appeared.
The angry woman shouted "What took you so long?"
He smiled and said "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, Native Vegetation, Parks and Wildlife service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility . . . . and they turned you down."

 

Three little boys were sitting in the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
The second little boy says "My Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes."
The third little boy, not to be outdone, responds "My Dad can blow smoke out of his bum."
"Really . . . . have you seen it ?" reply the other two.
The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear"

 

I walked passed the YMCA yesterday, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers.

I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down.”

 

A newer version of an owldy . . . .

A small balloon wakes up in the middle of the night and goes into his parents room to share their bed, but he can't fit in the middle so he undoes his dad's knot to let a little air out. There still wasn't enough room so he does the same to his mam. The gap widens but it's still too tight, so he let's some air out of his own knot and manages to snuggle in.

The dad wakes up and say's "what have we told you about staying in your own room . . . . you're old enough now, and you promised that you would !"
You have let me and your mother down, but worst of all you have let yourself down"

 

In my wildest dreams never did I imagine standards could drop to this level. However am still nicking it for facey.

 

BREAKING: Rain expected in Qatar today, FIFA cancelling all World Cup matches in case there’s a rainbow.