David Beckham gets into a taxi at Qatar airport, he sees the driver looking at him for about 5 minutes in the rear view mirror. Eventually the driver says “ok, give us a clue then?” Beckham sigh's and replies “well I had a glittering career for Man United, married a Spice Girl and played over 100 times for England, is that enough?”. Driver says “no you thick c*nt, where are you going!?”
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
This Big Game Hunter walked into the Bar and bragged to everyone about his Hunting Skills. The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said, "That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..??? The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on. They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR".. Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right. They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle." Again he was right. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner. He said to his Wife, "I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..??? His Wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “SKUNK, killed with a ****ing big AXE”..
