Spot on - add on the ones who have friends or relatives staying and make out they’ve taken them to their local
I was laying in a hospital bed and a hot female nurse came over, and told me to strip as it was time for my bed bath. As she washed me down, she got to washing my knob and balls she said "So what are you in for then ? I said "My Dad has just gone to theatre and I was having a lie down on his bed
The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, "This is a bit awkward." I grunted, "Just ignore them!"
I went out with my wife to a fancy restaurant last night and she kept insisting on paying for the meal... I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep f*cking running!"
I was putting our youngest to bed when he asked for a bedtime story. I checked my watch and saw that the football was starting in ten minutes, so I quickly took down the "Bumper Book of Fairytales" ... ... and knocked the little f*cker unconscious with it.
When it comes to sex, I wish my wife did some of the stuff those girls in porn films do. Like, not get fat.
I was looking through the attic and found an old holdall with chloroform, rope, a balaclava and gloves. It took me back to my carefree teenage years ... ... or courting as we used to call it
