Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' they say that the position you sleep in says a lot about you.
They say that women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who lie on their backs with their ankles behind
their ears are very popular.

 

When you just know that it's your day . . . .

 

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball ?


She gagged

 

How many beers does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?

Toucans.

 

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine that she'll be in white.”

 

Send this as a text to those friends that 'like a laugh'

∅ _This message has been deleted by WhatsApp from *your phone* as it contained female nudity, and the new artificial intelligence built into WhatsApp indicated that you do not like women because you are a bender.

 

Vladimir Putin’s 70th birthday party abandoned after game of pass the parcel takes 2 days . . . .

 

Another owldy . . . .

 

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and poured my pint down the sink !

 

Another owldy . . . .