Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I watched lenny henry doing a 10 minute stint on t.v. the other night and I must admit that I laughed all the way through after the host announced him as a comedian.

n.b. really I would never watch 10 seconds of that racist bastard, never mind 10 minutes

 

Put that light out!

 

I was going down on this bird the other night when there was an awful smell . . . . "what the **** is that smell ?" I asked.
She replied "Sorry about that . . . . it's my arthritis"
I said "what . . . . in your fanny ?"

"No . . . . it's in my shoulders, and I can't wipe my arse"

 

I recently joined a nudist colony . . . . the first few days were the hardest.

 

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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods meet at a fund raiser. Woods turns to Wonder
and says: "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"
Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing,
but I think I've got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I
need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the
next time I play, it seems to be all right.
Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're
blind?"
Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the
fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play
the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy
moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the
ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt?", asks Woods. "Well," says Stevie, "I get
my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his
head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round
sometime."
Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only
play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would
you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night."

 

Blonde walks into a doctor's office and says:

"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?

When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...

When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...

When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...

When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"

The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."