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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 647 of 830
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The husband leans over and asks his wife, ‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’
    Yes, she says, ‘I remember it well.’
    OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’
    Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’
    A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
    The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
    The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know…
    After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
    So, as the couple passes, he says to them,’ Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?’
    Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, ‘Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.’
     
    #12921
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 25, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12922
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 26, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12923
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 26, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12924
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 26, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A husband says to his wife. “ I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time.”
    She thinks about it for a while and then says, “Your dick is bigger than your brothers.”
     
    #12925
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 26, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.
    About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
    The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
    "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
    "It's worth a try," says the doctor.
    So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
    After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
    "What?" says the priest. "What's happened?"
    "You gave birth to a child."
    "But that's impossible!"
    "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
    About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his grown-up son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
    The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
    The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."
     
    #12926
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 29, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12927
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 29, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

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    #12928
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 29, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12929
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 29, 2022
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12930
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 29, 2022
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12931
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 29, 2022
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12932
    Makemstine Roger, Aug 29, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A 50ish woman is home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Husband watches & asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed & says, "I don't care what you think. I just had a mammogram, & the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

    The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year-old arse?"

    "Your name never came up," she replied
     
    #12933
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12934
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #12935
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #12936
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #12937
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The woman opposite the road from me called me a pervert earlier, I don't know why!

    Knowing she likes bird watching I asked her if she'd like to come over and have a look at my twelve finches
     
    #12938
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #12939
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2022
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    #12940
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 6, 2022
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Page 647 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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