One player

OK, you get to pick one player currently at your club who you dread to see on the teamsheet (even if they're currently out on loan).

Who consistently fails to meet your low expectations?
Who is it a blessing when they're injured in a training ground incident?
Who needs to just go step on a mine?

There's a few I could go for but if I could only pick one then the player I'd happily escort out back to be shotgunned would probably be Jonjo Shelvey. Had some potential but he's a lazy, overpaid arse who symbolises "good in the Championship, poor in the Prem" that too many of our squad have in their bones. Others at least run and try though.

 

Just one? That's like putting me in front of a naked Salma Hayek and telling me I can only touch one breast.

If I have to pick a boob though, I guess Keita. He can have some great moments but they're overwhelmed by mediocre or below moments... Oh and the right one, but only because I'm right handed.

 

Wouldn't that be her left breast?

Yeah Keita has had his moments but is certainly one of the people I want playing when we face you guys

 

Generally it’d be Winks but he’s now been transfer listed and not part of the squad so I don’t really have that worry anymore.

It’d probably be Sessegnon. Had massive hopes for him, absolute top lad as well and there is a player in there somewhere but often when he plays he’s just disappointing. Very timid and reserved when we need our WBs to be more adventurous. He’ll likely be out the XI soon anyway as Perisic is close to full fitness.

 

Damnit... Is it too late for me to change my answer?

Yes, and it's one of the few things I think Klopp gets wrong as he clearly seems to have a higher opinion of Keita than I do, because he plays him all the time.

 

Oxlade Chamberlain, useless chubby Gooner who's injured constantly.

 

Ox was the other one I wanted to pick, but limited to one breast. It's a tough call between him and Keita for which nipple leaks the most.

 

Ndombele

 

Everytime i even see a teamsheet at my club I start crying, National League beckons, after that, the only way is up

 

Rashford

 

Naby lad

Useless crock

 

My team aren't in the premier league so I'll choose a random team and player.

I'll go Alexander-Arnold. Always has a mistake in him and costs his team in the big games.

 

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If a proper football supporter done that I'd bite, but...

Did you know that scousers hate cockneys? That's a conundrum for you isn't it. You are hated by the proper supporters of the team you support

 

Yes, It often keeps me awake at night

 

Fck off!

That is all

 

Jan Bednarek, he’s off to Leicester soon anyway

 

Change clubs then you cuck ****

 

Nah man that would make me a plastic and **** that ****.

 

I take it you haven't got all day to sit around changing your mind.