North Stand handbags

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big vern

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Mar 16, 2014
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I thoroughly enjoyed the two chavs engaging in handbags in the area of empty seats in the North stand after City scored. If was a classic example of hold me back and when nobody stepped in the entertainment started. It was hardly Queensbury rules but good sport while it lasted. 10 seconds of drunken milling. I don't think either could take the skin off a rice pudding.
 
I thoroughly enjoyed the two chavs engaging in handbags in the area of empty seats in the North stand after City scored. If was a classic example of hold me back and when nobody stepped in the entertainment started. It was hardly Queensbury rules but good sport while it lasted. 10 seconds of drunken milling. I don't think either could take the skin off a rice pudding.

Maybe you should sell your story to the HDM?

They seem to be big on disorder.

Could you identify them in a line up?
 
Maybe you should sell your story to the HDM?

They seem to be big on disorder.

Could you identify them in a line up?
Hardly old chap. I was located in the west stand about 80 yards away. I doubt the young scamp will be as bold when Millwall come to play.
 
The aforementioned adolescent is probably squeezing his spots as we speak. He will be dining out on that little fracas for months.
 
The aforementioned adolescent is probably squeezing his spots as we speak. He will be dining out on that little fracas for months.


except that little fracas will have turned into the battle for Mariupal
 
I don't think many of the little buggers where sat in the correct seats. Around me it was like ****ing Romper Room but hey they are the future I suppose.

When I asked who scored none of them knew haha. Still it was a good atmosphere even South Stand got going. Just a bit of a buzz around the place. Great to hear and long may it last.
 
Maybe you should sell your story to the HDM?

They seem to be big on disorder.

Could you identify them in a line up?
They weren’t even kicked out according to my nephew who was sat right near it which I find bizarre when there were only 2 of them and it was obvious who they were.
 
I'll admit it. I don't mind a genuine fake Versace or Gucci. Is there a spiv selling them behind the stand post match?
 
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I imagine the steward looked at the aforementioned chav and decided his balls hadn't dropped so decided to throw him back. I am waiting for the rascal to singlehandedly charge the Millwall lot when they arrive to play.
 
Is big Vern a parody account?

From the wonderful Viz Comic (or it was)

Vernon Dakin, aka Big Vern is a character in the British comic Viz, first appearing in 1982 as a parody of 1970s London mobsters. He was devised by Viz founder Chris Donald, and is today drawn by Simon Thorp.

Vern is heavily built, square-jawed, with very short hair, sunglasses and a grizzled look. He has a tendency towards the paranoid. He mistakenly believes himself as a '70s blagger, and often mistakes normal and innocent activities for criminal escapades, usually armed robberies or kidnappings. He hangs around with his friend Ernie, an easy-going mild mannered man perplexed by Vern's tendency to see their activities through the eyes of a desperate mobster.

It is not clear if Vern really is a gangster, or simply a man with severe delusions. He never seems to associate with real criminals, only Ernie, yet he does seem to know a lot about armed robberies, has no hesitation in killing people and has a seemingly endless supply of firearms. The punchline of nearly every strip is that Vern mistakes someone - such as a traffic warden, an old lady or even Prince Charles - for an armed policeman. He shouts "Get dahn Ernie, he's got a piece" or words to such effect, before shooting that person dead. He then kills himself to avoid jail ("No bastard copper's gonna take me alive!"), having just killed Ernie under the belief that Ernie would also want to be dead rather than go to prison (even though Ernie has done nothing wrong).

In another strip, Vern and Ernie go to stay at a hotel. Vern is convinced that it is a prison, and after slopping out and decorating his room (which he believes is a cell) with pictures from pornographic magazines, he announces his intention of muscling in on the snout racket and denounces a fellow guest as a nonce "it could have been your kids Ernie, let me at him", etc. He then goes stir crazy and launches a rooftop protest, sitting on the roof of the hotel and demanding better conditions. The final prison stereotype shows Vern sodomising Ernie in the shower claiming that he has "been wivout a woman too long, Ernie".
 
From the wonderful Viz Comic (or it was)

Vernon Dakin, aka Big Vern is a character in the British comic Viz, first appearing in 1982 as a parody of 1970s London mobsters. He was devised by Viz founder Chris Donald, and is today drawn by Simon Thorp.

Vern is heavily built, square-jawed, with very short hair, sunglasses and a grizzled look. He has a tendency towards the paranoid. He mistakenly believes himself as a '70s blagger, and often mistakes normal and innocent activities for criminal escapades, usually armed robberies or kidnappings. He hangs around with his friend Ernie, an easy-going mild mannered man perplexed by Vern's tendency to see their activities through the eyes of a desperate mobster.

It is not clear if Vern really is a gangster, or simply a man with severe delusions. He never seems to associate with real criminals, only Ernie, yet he does seem to know a lot about armed robberies, has no hesitation in killing people and has a seemingly endless supply of firearms. The punchline of nearly every strip is that Vern mistakes someone - such as a traffic warden, an old lady or even Prince Charles - for an armed policeman. He shouts "Get dahn Ernie, he's got a piece" or words to such effect, before shooting that person dead. He then kills himself to avoid jail ("No bastard copper's gonna take me alive!"), having just killed Ernie under the belief that Ernie would also want to be dead rather than go to prison (even though Ernie has done nothing wrong).

In another strip, Vern and Ernie go to stay at a hotel. Vern is convinced that it is a prison, and after slopping out and decorating his room (which he believes is a cell) with pictures from pornographic magazines, he announces his intention of muscling in on the snout racket and denounces a fellow guest as a nonce "it could have been your kids Ernie, let me at him", etc. He then goes stir crazy and launches a rooftop protest, sitting on the roof of the hotel and demanding better conditions. The final prison stereotype shows Vern sodomising Ernie in the shower claiming that he has "been wivout a woman too long, Ernie".
Err…
@Ernie Shackleton ?
 

I'm not proud of my years as a cartoon strip stereotypical sidekick, Den.

I'd rather you kept schtum about it to be honest.

If you know what's good for you etc, etc.




By the way, the robbery, the murder, and the sodomy weren't real. They was just cartoon drawings we posed for.



Big Vern was a psychopathic **** though.







We're no longer in touch.
 
I once wrote a page for Viz. Someone called John Barnes rang me from Viz at the time after I'd had a couple of 'Handy Hints' published. I thought it was a wind up, John Barnes ? Liverpool player wasn't he ? But he assured me it was genuine. So I sent him some stuff and they knocked up a full page from it, making it into a spoof advertising feature ( I was a market trader at the time). Still waiting for the £500 cheque, twenty odd years later. But I got a free full page advert out of it. I also remember when Viz was funny.