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Off Topic The best joke you know.

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by Qatartiger Cambridgetiger, Nov 13, 2015.

  1. Sir Cheshire Ben

    Sir Cheshire Ben Well-Known Member

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    Anal?
     
    #301
  2. Stockholm Tiger

    Stockholm Tiger Well-Known Member

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    How did the Avon lady get pregnant?

    Max Factor....
     
    #302
  3. Tuckin

    Tuckin Well-Known Member

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    The variation I've heard in the past begins with "Why did Nivea cream?"
     
    #303
  4. Chillo

    Chillo Well-Known Member

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    boy gets sent home from school for having sex aged 11
    mother, livid sends him to his room
    father gets home and on hearing the news rushes up to see him
    "wow son, ignore your mother, I'm dead proud, I never had a sniff till I was thirteen!!"
    "in fact you know that mountain bike I was gonna buy you for your twelth birthday?"
    I'll let you have it tomorrow !!!
    son says "thanks dad but can you leave it a while, maybe till next weekend?"

    dads says "yeah but why's that son?"


    son says


    " my arse is still a bit sore...."
     
    #304
  5. Anal Frank Fingers

    Anal Frank Fingers Well-Known Member

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    Not a joke, but funny.

    Anthony Knockaert knee slide fail.

     
    #305
  6. BlackAndAmberGambler

    BlackAndAmberGambler Well-Known Member

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    Really don't know why players do this. One wrong move and your ACL has gone and you're a year out.
     
    #306
  7. Hiker

    Hiker Member

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    Old Yorkshire farmer sees a man drinking out of the beck.
    "I wunt drink that watter mate cos it's full of cow ****e and sheep piss"
    The man replies, "Could you speak more slowly as I'm from London and didn't understand what you said?"
    The farmer replies, "I - SAID - YOU'LL - FIND - IT - EASIER - IF - YOU - USE - TWO - HANDS."
     
    #307
  8. DMD

    DMD Eh?
    Forum Moderator

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    The funeral was held today for the inventor of the dishwasher. His coffin was lowered into the grave, only to be taken out by his wife and put back in properly.
     
    #308
  9. Qatartiger Cambridgetiger

    Qatartiger Cambridgetiger Well-Known Member

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    It's been a long time.

     
    #309
    Sir Cheshire Ben likes this.
  10. Idi Amin

    Idi Amin Well-Known Member

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    What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

    Half a dog!
     
    #310
    TwoWrights likes this.

  11. amberman8

    amberman8 Well-Known Member

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    Woman goes to docs" doctor I keep getting 2 green rings appear on my inner thighs. Everytime I get rid of them they reappear in a couple of days"
    The doc does all the tests he can but finds no illness. Then he asks the woman " are you a lesbian?"
    She replies yes but what's that got to do with it?"
    He says "tell your lass her earnings aren't real gold"
     
    #311
    TwoWrights and Idi Amin like this.
  12. OedipusTex

    OedipusTex Well-Known Member

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    Did you know that Pharaoh never paid the Hebrews for their labor?

    Yep, Egypt 'em.
     
    #312
  13. augustatiger

    augustatiger Well-Known Member

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    I’m with you on that one..seems crazy
     
    #313
    dennisboothstash likes this.
  14. The B&S Fanclub

    The B&S Fanclub Well-Known Member

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    A nun goes into a pub. She sees a group of guys playing darts. 'Can I have a go?' she asks.
    'Sure,' says a guy and hands her his darts.
    First one goes straight into treble 20. Second one straight into treble 20. Third one is heading into treble 20, but hits the wire, bounces out and hits her in the head. The scorer shouts out. 'One nun dead and eighty.'
     
    #314
  15. Ernie Shackleton

    Ernie Shackleton Well-Known Member

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    What's the bare minimum?


    One bear.
     
    #315
  16. FLG

    FLG Well-Known Member

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    **PEDANT ALERT**

    That's 120 plus a dead Sister.
     
    #316
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2022
  17. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

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    One for your kids,

    What kind of bee makes milk>

    Boobees...
     
    #317
  18. What? A full dog?

    What? A full dog? Well-Known Member

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    How did they know Jesus was 6lb and 3oz at birth?

    because there was a weigh in the manger.
     
    #318
    Brucebones likes this.
  19. What? A full dog?

    What? A full dog? Well-Known Member

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    How long does it take to make a really small dog?

    chihuahuas
     
    #319
    Brucebones and Walter Sobchak like this.
  20. amberman8

    amberman8 Well-Known Member

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    Guy goes into pub with a crocodile on a leash...says to the landlord "he's tame..and does tricks"
    Landlord says "OK.. show me"
    The customer takes his cock out and puts it in the crocs mouth..then hits the croc on the head with a cricket bat..he removes his cock and there is not a mark on it..
    Customer says you wanna go?"
    Landlord " yeah but don't hit me that hard"
     
    #320

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