A lawyer boarded an airplane in Dublin with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's fridge. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in London, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Dublin, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and enjoyed them. Two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
Last month, a worldwide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" Sadly, the survey was a failure because: In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. And in the UK, everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
A blonde woman looking to earn some extra cash knocks on the door of a house. The owner answers the door and the woman asks if there’s any odd jobs you need doing around the house. “Wait a minute” he says to the woman, “Here’s a can of paint and a brush, you can paint the porch. One hour later the blonde woman knocks on the door, the owner opens the door “What, finished already? He asks “Yes, and enough paint for 2 coats” the woman replies …… “By the way”, she says, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari” …………
Yesterday, a 45-year-old man was going to bed heard thieves in his garage. He called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment. The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer: - it’s about these thieves in my garage. Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them. After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught. Police officers had a chat with the gentleman Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “ Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have a free police car “ ..
One of the funny things about this thread is the number of jokes that are recycled with slightly different characters or just repeated. Great thread.
One of the amusing aspects about this thread is the quantum of rib-ticklers that are recycled with marginally different personalities or just plagiarised. Awesome thread.
