My youngest came downstairs from watching TV in his bedroom last night and said "What's love juice, Dad ? " After nearly choking on my brew, I thought that I'd better be honest and said "Son . . . . sit down and I will tell you. When a woman gets sexually excited, her vagina gets wet, and that's love juice." He just stared back at me in total bewilderment. I said "What on earth are you watching in your bedroom ?" He said "Wimbledon, Dad"
Apparently if you go into the Weight Watchers web site, you are asked to accept cookies . Is that a test ?
My girlfriend has told me to remove any of my Facebook friends with bigger tits than her or its over. I'm gonna miss Bill,Colin & Pete.
After 49 years as the local flasher I was going to retire, but thought I might as well stick it out for one more year.
A bloke in my local has a really bad stutter and he was telling us a story last night about his nan. Within a couple of minutes everyone was singing "Hey Jude"
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War Two, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis, so I hid her in my attic." The priest replied "That was a wonderful thing to do, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father . . . . she started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind, but I do have one more question." "What is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her that the war is over ?"