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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    • My wife has started visiting a new hairdressers run by a Geordie girl.
    • Today my wife asked for a "perm".
    • The Geordie girl started, "I wandered lonely as a cloud..."
     
    #13101
    Makemstine Roger, May 28, 2022
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    • Think it"s fantastic how the Chinese can now say they've sent an astronaut into space.
    • He's been officially named as Moon-Lan-Din.
     
    #13102
    Makemstine Roger, May 28, 2022
    kiwiqpr and Wooperts_duck like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I asked my GP if there was anything better than over the counter hemorrhoids stuff as I was trying to avoid the time off work for surgery.
    She suggested using teabags as a cold compress as the tea shrinks them and soothes some of the pain.
    I decided to try it, but I only ever use loose leaf tea, but the principle’s the same, so I scooped the leaves out of the cold pot and used a wad of kitchen towel to hold them in place.
    A couple of week’s later and I’m back at the Doctors.
    She gets me to drop my trousers and lie on the couch on one side.
    I hear her draw up her chair, the lights dimmed slightly and she said.
    “Well, your hemorrhoids aren’t getting any better, but you are going on a journey. You will meet a tall dark handsome stranger.....”
     
    #13103
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
    Hammersmith bookie and Makemstine Roger like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #13104
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13105
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man went to the doctor. He said "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
    The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks". "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked.
    "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee".
    The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
    "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this".
    The doctor was dumbfounded.
    "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle" the man urged him.
    The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can".
    I have no idea what to tell you" the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books" he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
    "I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places"
     
    #13106
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    At the Airport, I heard 2 guys saying they wouldn't feel safe if the Pilot was a woman.

    How bloody sexist, I mean it's not as if she has to reverse the bloody thing.....
     
    #13107
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13108
    Wooperts_duck, May 28, 2022
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  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-28_22-57-35.jpeg
     
    #13109
    Taffvalerowdy, May 28, 2022
    Goldhawk-Road, daverangers, Wooperts_duck and 3 others like this.
  10. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    #13110
    Uber_Hoop, May 29, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scotland play Ukraine next week in a World Cup qualifier. Virtually the whole of Europe will be supporting the country that has suffered so much torment at the hands of an immoral leader.

    On the other hand, I'm sure there will be a few who'd prefer Ukraine win!
     
    #13111
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2022
    Goldhawk-Road, Makemstine Roger, Hammersmith bookie and 1 other person like this.
  12. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-30_21-41-11.png
     
    #13112
    Taffvalerowdy, May 30, 2022
    Goldhawk-Road, Makemstine Roger, peter1954qpr and 2 others like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13113
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I drove up to Buckingham Palace and said to the guard, "Can you let me in I've got to cut Prince Williams hair."

    He said, "Have you got a permit?"

    I said, "No just cut some off the back!"
     
    #13114
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Policeman :
    I'm booking you for dangerous driving. You were swerving all over the road.

    Driver :
    Of course I was. There were nails all over the road. I couldn't drive over them.

    Policeman :
    In that case, I'm booking you for tacks evasion
     
    #13115
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife gave me an ultimatum: Stop telling stupid Llama jokes or pack my bags and leave.

    I said o.k., Alpaca bag.....
     
    #13116
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  17. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    #13117
    Uber_Hoop, May 31, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr, Goldhawk-Road and 1 other person like this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-31_18-13-22.png
     
    #13118
    Taffvalerowdy, May 31, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13119
    Wooperts_duck, May 31, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13120
    Wooperts_duck, May 31, 2022
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