Best man speech

Well my mate Dave shat up a wall when he was leathered once. Gold dust. Although the elderly guests weren't particularly happy.

 

just keep mentioning the upcoming honeymoon in Wales, until bride or groom look bemused enough, then just say you'd asked (groom) about their honeymoon plans, and he said he was.. 'just going to Bangor for a week'!

 

Hello all and for those that don’t know me I’m Gordon. I’m actually a replacement best man for today as the original one who incidentally is the president of the premier ejeculation society couldn’t come.

 

Good luck!

I've did this once or twice, and I followed the advice of a mate who had done a lot of it. He said that make sure that you don't start by talking about what it is you want to say!

"Eh?" says me.

He explained that he always tried to start with a story, completely separate from the subject in hand but conveying the theme. Doesn't really have to be funny, just a short thing to draw people in. Then refer to it later on. A plant I believe they call it.

Anyway, I'm hopeless at that stuff, but that trick worked well for me. Settled me and the unfortunate listeners down!

 

I was a best man. Was shìt.
I was young and couldn't care less.
He got divorced not long after.
Not seen him much since.
Don't worry about it

 

Note to self......
NIG not best man material.

 

Never been a best man before but in my father of the bride speech a few years ago my daughters face was a picture when I told everyone she got banned from the metrocentre when she was 15 for shop lifting!!

 

Try and time it so when you stand up you do a git loud fart, they’ll laugh at owt after that.

 

They say marriage is like a pack of cards. At the beginning you think that all you need is a heart and a diamiond, but by the end you realise that you really just need a club and a spade.

 

Done it a few times, only once did I have to be very careful.. the young lady in question was several months pregnant and I was under strict instruction not to even allude to it.

 

I have done it three times and never found it easy. I would say think of some stories of your friendship that are funny and maybe a tad embarrassing for the groom as long as it doesn’t involve other women.

 

Liken the speech to a skirt - long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to be interesting.

 

After being a bit nervous it went down very well . . . . even better than I hoped, and I even played a clip from my 'phone of us singing 'Wise men say' last week when mentioning falling in love

Chuffed as muck

 

Well done marra.

 

Well done mate

 

Well done Gordon

 

Did ya fart

 

Of course not . . . . under the circumstances that would have been dangerous

 

Well done Gordon knew you had it in you ...top bloke

 

Well done. You can start taking bookings for after dinner speaking now!