Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I bought the wife a Memory Stick...it's great.
She hasn't forgotten my beer...dinner or sex once since the first beating.

 

Q. What's the first sign of madness?

A. Suggs walking up your drive.

 

Are you insured for sex? Make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having. Please view the list of companies below.

Sex with your wife - Legal & General

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life

Sex with someone different - Go Compare

Sex with a Fat bird - More Than

Sex on the back seat of a car - Sheilas Wheels

Sex with a posh girl - Privileged

Sex with a transvestite - confused.com

 

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a coloured guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350"..
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.
"Yes " she said " He's got one hanging there"....!
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50. He's the window cleaner"

 

A Geordie and an American aid worker are helping out in Japan after the Tsunami. The American says..."You from round here...buddy?"
"Nah" he replies..." Newcastle "
"What State's that in?"...asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same as this place mate!"

 

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An old* Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still* wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather* jacket and ordered a cup of* coffee.

As he sat*sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next* to him.* She turned to the pilot and asked,* 'Are you a real pilot?'

He* replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying*planes, first Stearmans, then the early* Grummans.... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII,* and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and* Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly*and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a* pilot, and you, what are you?

She said,* 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking* about naked women. As soon as I get up in the* morning, I think about naked women. When I* shower, I think about naked women. When I watch* TV, I think about naked women. It seems*everything makes me think of naked* women.'

The two*sat sipping in silence.

A little*while later, a young man sat down on the other*side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real* pilot?"

He* replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just*found out*I'm a lesbian.'

 

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

 

During a recent password audit by Google,
it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:
"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital."

 

I went to put some money in the bank today and as the woman was counting the notes she suddenly burst into a rendition of "downtown" at the top of her voice !

I thought "she's a peculiar clerk"

 

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They should probably have rephrased this . . . .

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