Two elderly gentlemen sipping their beer outside a pub... One points to a dog licking its genitals and says: "Hey Bert, I wish I could do that" Bert marks a pause, and replies: "Well, I'm sure he'd let you if you gave him a biscuit"
my mate just got a new job in the r&d dept in the bovine industry he is exited at his first assignment to produce a new type of skimmed milk, they are currently trialing bouncing the cows across the surface of the lake
in 1872 the welsh invented the condom from a sheep's lower intestine, in 1873 the english refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first
An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?' 'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..' The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch? ''What's so special about it?' The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.' The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?' Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.' The woman giggles and replies: 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!' The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says, ' Bloody thing's an hour fast!'
Just got myself a 6ft 11 girlfriend. We haven't had sex yet but I'm looking forward to our 1st time. Apparently, she has a very small fanny cos everywhere we go, I hear men say 'Here comes that gorgeous bird with the little twat.
