The story of Paddy . . . . a modern human tragedy. Paddy lives in Dublin. He was sick of the world, of Covid-19, Russian aggression, Global warming logic, species extinction, racial tension, and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines. Deciding to end it all, Paddy drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up the garage windows and doors, selected his favourite radio station and sat in the driver's seat of the car, leaving the engine idling. Two days later, his neighbour, realising that she had seen no sign of him for a while, peered through the garage window to see Paddy at the wheel of his car. Fearing the worst, she immediately phoned emergency services. Police, fire and the ambulance all arrived promptly at the scene, and. amazingly, after being pulled from his car and having a few sips of water, Paddy seemed to be as good as gold. Paddy drives a Tesla, which now has a flat battery.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
Son: "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" Dad: "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." Son: "But Dad, I only see two."
I bought a massive fish from the supermarket today, and when I got home I found that all of its insides were missing. Gutted !
