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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    My Building Permit:

    I just applied for a building permit for a new house.

    It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system.

    It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with tatty pink trim.

    The City Council told me to go to hell.

    So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.

    .........Work starts on Monday...
     
    #12381
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 16, 2022
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-4-16_18-13-17.jpeg
     
    #12382
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 16, 2022
    BluefromBridgend, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12383
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 16, 2022
    San Diego, BluefromBridgend and Wooperts_duck like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'. The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
    The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God..'.
     
    #12384
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2022
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12385
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 17, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-4-17_13-27-9.png
     
    #12386
    Gordon Armstrong, Apr 17, 2022
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12387
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 17, 2022
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12388
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 17, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, BluefromBridgend and San Diego like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12389
    Makemstine Roger, Apr 17, 2022
    Eric Le Merde, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12390
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12391
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego, Eric Le Merde and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    God (in the Garden of Eden):”This is Eve, your mate.”

    Adam “Ok but who’s that?” and he points to an old man smoking a ciggie.

    God: “Oh that’s Keith Richards, he was here when I got here.”
     
    #12392
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12393
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2022
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to the supermarket helpdesk, and said to the assistant "I've just bought some deodorant, and two bodyguards followed me back to my car, what's going on??".

    He said "You've got 24 hour protection mate".
     
    #12394
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2022
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  15. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    images.jpeg
     
    #12395
    Eric Le Merde, Apr 18, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12396
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12397
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Chap sent a photo of his wife to enter her in a new reality show.

    They sent it back thanking him but pointed out he may have got the program title wrong.

    It was called Fact Hunt.
     
    #12398
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So I've just joined a brass band...

    I keep borrowing everybody else's instruments as I've never been one to blow my own trumpet.
     
    #12399
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12400
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2022
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Page 620 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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