Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows.
"Twenty Euros,” she whispers"
Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides -- what the hell, it's only twenty Euros.
He takes up her offer and they hide in the bushes..!...
They're going at it for a couple of minutes, when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them; it’s a police officer..!
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer,
"I'm making love to me wife", the Irishman answers sounding annoyed...!
"Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know!"
"Well, neither did I", said Paddy, "til ya shined dat feckin light in her face!!!”

 

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A naked selfie of me in the dark. Thank me later.

 

As I stood at the bus stop having a smoke, I was surprised to see the bus leaving before its scheduled time.
I could've sworn I put the f*cking handbrake on

 

As a child, I was forced to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.

 

I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night.
He told me to f*ck off and buy my own.