Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I recently heard about a novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for an epic adventure.

So I went down to my local library to see if they had a copy.

The librarian said that my description of the book rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

 

I got banned from ASDA yesterday.

 

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The Pope decides to liven things up at the Vatican and announces that he will be hosting a darts tournament. Things go swimmingly and in the final it is a close contest between Father O'Neil and Sister Margaret.

As master of ceremonies the Pope is calling out the scores and up comes Father O'Neil who throws an excellent treble 20 "Sixty!" the Pope calls out, next shot is just over the wire "Twenty!" calls the Pope. Father O'Neil's next dart smacks against the wire and flies back off the board hitting Sister Margaret straight in the eye, the force pushes it into her brain and she drops down dead.

The Pope then calls out........

"ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!"

 

Magnum pea eye.

 

Another owldy . . . .

Women's Arse Size Study

There is a new study just released by the British Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their arses, and the results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel that their arse is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel that their arse is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say that they don't care 'cos they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

 

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber,
who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. Its crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“TWA!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”
“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome, The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!”
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited o me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke a few words to me.” “What’d he say?”
He said, “Where’d you get that ****ty haircut?”

 

The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Newcastle with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes. The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are
delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2-0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, and we won! Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me!"
"Just wonderful" says his mum "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, she would have been raped but for a passing police vehicle. Your brother has joined a local gang of looters and set fire to some buildings and all while you tell me that you were having a great time!!"
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry". "Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum. "It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!"

 

what do you call a bag of fannies?








Clitoris Allsorts.