A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Lancashire scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, a Cumbrian archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Windermere Times : "Cumbrian archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than Lancashire ". One week later, the Liverpool echo reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in longley lane Toxteth , Amos Thwaite, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger all..........and has therefore concluded that 150 years ago, Merseyside had already gone wireless."
Of course, being Liverpool, some scally had probably nicked it and weighed it in for scrap and the iron age there begins at 6 - or as soon as the kid can lift it up and run off with it!
A young blonde woman is walking down the road when she sees a team of workmen digging up the pavement and notices one of them has the letters L and R painted onto his boots. She asks the man why he has letters on his boots to which he replies "To be sure it is to help me when I get dressed of a morning and I get the boots on the right way around" The blonde thinks for a while and smiles back at the workman & says "That must be why my knickers have C&A on them!"
