Still not blurred for me like. I've just checked, thanks to your post I've checked on him twice today. He still hasn't finished!
Why did the man with the large penis cross the road? Well, if you must know I just popped out for a pint of milk and a paper!
As I sat at the table last night, staring at my G&T, WKD and JD, I suddenly thought to myself, "I f*cking hate scrabble."
A TV company is looking for people from the Newcastle area to appear in a documentary. They are looking for people with shaved heads, goatee beards, tattoos on knuckles, beer bellies and who can fart/belch at will. Successful applicants will be allowed to take their husbands along with them
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said “I want you to sell this laptop to me.” So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually the manager called me and said “bring the laptop back right now!!” I said “£200 and it’s yours.”
I got drunk the other night and ended up shagging a fat bird. The next morning I said, "Here, if you want to see me again, ring this number." She said, "Aawww, men don't usually give me their numbers." I said, "It's not mine, it's f*cking Weight Watchers!"
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class... "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework... .. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.☺️ Question: What was the object in the prince's pants? (Scroll down for the answer. ) They were M&M's!!! - (get your mind out of the gutter!! ) Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand✋.
