A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor. "No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."
Thanks everyone for your concern. I'm OK, I was a bit shaken up though. I was robbed at the petrol station earlier this morning. After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police. They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof! My money is gone however. The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, “Yes, it was pump number 2.”
A local man has been admitted to hospital with a golf ball lodged in his bottom. His wife said its gone up a fairway.
Maths problem: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives 1 to Mohammed & 1 to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.
Police officers have seized an uninsured ice-cream van after it was involved in a collision. The driver of the car that was hit sustained whippy lash.
I was watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra last night, and the bloke on the triangle disappeared.
The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There be some pretty big chouxs to fill when he goes......
I first met my girlfriend on a village green! There were marquees, food stalls, tug of war and a tombola Fete brought us together...
My mother in law is a big woman, she got run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get round her. But he didn't have enough petrol....
I got fired from the hospital for stealing neck braces. At least I could leave with my head held high...
