Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods to visit her granny when she hears a rustling noise in the bushes. " Who's there?" she says, and The Wolf scampers off. She walks on a short way and hears the rustling again. "Who's there? Is that you, Big Bad Wolf?" she asks, and The Wolf scampers off again. She walks further on and hears the rustling yet again. "Is that you Big Bad Wolf?" And the Big Bad Wolf says, "I wish you'd f*ck off, I'm trying to have a sh*t !".
I was diagnosed today by my doctor, who seems to be obsessed with Tina Turner . . . . she said “you’re simply depressed”
A man asked his wife “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied “I’d take half and leave you” “Great” he said, “I won £10, so here’s £5… stay in touch”
I didn't think that my uncle liked me but apparently he has left me a large building in his will. Does anyone know where Sod Hall is ?
A MAN AND WOMAN WERE MARRIED FOR MANY YEARS. Whenever there a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I'll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. He died at the ripe old age of 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife said, "LET HIM DIG. I HAD HIM BURIED UPSIDE DOWN...AND I KNOW HE WON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS."
Little Johnny had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked his, "Grandma what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback but she decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse darling." Little Johnny said "Oh OK" and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily "Grandma it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you.
