Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Lads , if your lass has a huge vagina, for heavens sake take my advice and don't mention it. I put my foot right in it

 

Brilliant

 

A friend of mine was unfairly sacked whilst working on the bumper cars at the local fair.

He’s taking them to a tribunal for funfair dismissal......

 

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but
otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box.

 

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Here's a bit of advice for you . . . . advi

 

A football fan in Manchester saw a Vicious dog attacking a pram. He ran over and fought the dog and killed it. A reporter from the Manchester Evening News says to him, "you're a hero and I can see the headlines now. United fan saves baby from dog!"

The fan says, "I'm not a United fan."

The reporter says, "Ok, City fan saves baby from dog attack!" The fan says, "actually, I support Liverpool."

"Ok," said the reporter, "Bastard bindipper Murders family pet!"

 

Stevie Wonder - 7 kids

David Blunkett - 5 kids

Ray Charles - 12 kids

I think it's safe to say it's not wan*ing that makes you blind.

 

A middle-aged frumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the £75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you close the deal for £65, 000 to the lovely young lady there.
You told us there could be no discount on this model."
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.
Just then, the young woman approached the middle-aged couple and gave them the keys.
"There you go Dad," she said. "I told you I could get the tosser to reduce the price!”

 

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures. Over a double latte, Alexandros mentions proudly: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye,” Paddy replies, “and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics", said Alexandros.
"Granted,” Paddy concedes, “but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, Alexandros, the proud son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough,” Paddy rebuked, "but it was the Irish who got women involved."