my mate found the whole lock down period quite stressful so he started doing that chinese thing with the needles, you know heroin
talking to a neighbour who attends church every sunday and he said remember "jesus died for our sins" i replied well "not really,he died on friday and came back on monday so at best he gave up his weekend"
Stallone: I'm making a fictional documentary about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi, any preferences? Van Damme: I'll be Mozart Schwarzenegger: I'll be Bach
I'm sick of people complaining about this so called cost of living crisis. £2 for a Tea, £2.75 for a coffee, £2.50 for a slice of cake and £4 for car parking. Any more complaints and I will honestly stop inviting my friends around to my house.
Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died in 1744 aged 43, although his rival Fahrenheit was convinced he was 109.
Been helping a group who help young people with hypertrichosis a condition of excessive body hair it's sometimes from birth fund raising is ongoing and donations can be made to --- shave the children
I recently joined a gun club and found I couldn't hit a thing until I checked the owner's manual and read the troubleshooting section
I've noticed that there's a shocking amount of sex on TV these days. Especially when the wife's gone out.
A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him. One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done." The elder nodded in agreement. The official continued: "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?" The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute and then he calmly replied: "When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty kangaroo, Plenty fish, Women did all the work, Medicine man free, Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing, All night having sex." Then the elder leaned back and smiled: "Only whitefella bloody stupid enough to think he could improve a system like that."
"our computers went down at work today ... so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire".
