After the birth of my daughter, I asked the Midwife "Once my wife is out of hospital, when do you think we'll be able to have sex?" She replied: "Well, I'm usually off at eight, so meet me on Thursday in the car park"
I said to my wife, "You look fantastic." She said, "Awww, thank you." I said, "If you'd let me finish... from a distance
MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home
My dad just asked me to write down all the people I've ever had sex with. Seventeen pens later... and I still can't spell that one girl's name right
