Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I have Just failed my abseiling exam . . . . I let myself down badly there.

 

Paddy pulls along side a Lorry and shouts, "Oi mate, you're losing your load!" The driver replies, "Fek off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy again shouts, "Oi, you're losing your load!" The driver then again replies, Feck off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy yells, "I'm not joking, you're losing your load!"

The driver then shouts, "Will you Feck off you thick twit, I'm gritting!"

 

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

 

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom.

I am so sorry that he's dead.
Edna replied "But, he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

 

FUNNY LOOKING CANDY

 

I can't believe our 4 year old son is already looking at porn online!
I said to my wife when she checked the internet history.

 

Nigella Dawson.

 

My missus is leaving me because of my obsession with TV Police dramas.

For the benefit of the tape, she just left the room !

 

Here's a reminder of the new rules . . . .

 

Who would have thought that Benjamin Mendy and Mason Greenwood would appear on the same wing together.

 

A bloke in the pub told me that he had just been to a funeral, the friend who'd passed away was a bit of a porn star, and as a mark of respect they are going to scatter his ashes over his wife's face !

 

Sources say Pep Guardiola was interested in the Sunderland job unfortunately when he found out that Sinatras has shut down he has withdrawn his application he said "absolutely devastated as I really wanted to do Island's in the stream on the karaoke "

 

I bet that the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.