1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 582 of 748
  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,395
    Likes Received:
    225,190
    upload_2022-1-17_22-7-14.jpeg
     
    #11621
    Taffvalerowdy, Jan 17, 2022
    Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    I just bought a book on how to stop procrastinating.

    I’m going to read it tomorrow…... or possibly the day after…...... maybe next week…
     
    #11622
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 17, 2022
    Didley Squat, Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11623
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 17, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11624
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 17, 2022
    Didley Squat, Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11625
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 17, 2022
    Didley Squat, Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11626
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,841
    Likes Received:
    114,981
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11627
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 18, 2022
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,841
    Likes Received:
    114,981
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11628
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 18, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
    The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
    The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
     
    #11629
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2022
    Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,395
    Likes Received:
    225,190
    upload_2022-1-18_23-43-50.jpeg
     
    #11630
    Taffvalerowdy, Jan 18, 2022
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck, BluefromBridgend and 3 others like this.

  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,841
    Likes Received:
    114,981
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11631
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 19, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    An Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.' 'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?' 'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!' 'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.' 'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!' There's a few minutes of silence. 'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces. 'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain. 'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot. 'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!' "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all feckin same."
     
    #11632
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger and 2 others like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11633
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    Didley Squat, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11634
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    BREAKING: The English Cricket Board announce they have appointed tennis world number one Novak Djokovic as a temporary batting coach.

    "We acknowledge he doesn't have a background in our sport, but we couldn't overlook the fact it took two weeks for Australia to get him out!"
     
    #11635
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Makemstine Roger like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    please log in to view this image
     
    #11636
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    For her birthday I took my girlfriend to an orchard where we stood looking at trees for half an hour..

    Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently
     
    #11637
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,754
    Likes Received:
    263,869
    Teacher: "Johnny, can you use the word “gruesome” in a sentence?"

    Johnny: "Yes ma’am, I used to be shorter, then I gruesome."
     
    #11638
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 19, 2022
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Makemstine Roger like this.
  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,395
    Likes Received:
    225,190
    upload_2022-1-20_9-12-48.png
     
    #11639
    Taffvalerowdy, Jan 20, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,841
    Likes Received:
    114,981
    Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge".

    Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed". He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her va*ina.

    "How does that feel?" he asks.

    "Fuc*king lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"
     
    #11640
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 20, 2022
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
Page 582 of 748
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page