Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

Someone on here no doubt.

 

FYI
I ordered Chinese from a local place (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef!
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...
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.. A Peeking Duck!!!

 

God am I confused !!
Has or hasn’t Harold Needler bought us ?

 

Didn't this guy used to post on here? Or is it the Usan name for fat Ronaldo?

A ritzy San Francisco condo tower is now leaning 26 inches and is expected to tilt by a further three inches annually after work to stabilize it ended up worsening the issue. Structural engineer Ronald O. Hamburger has now suggested the building lose more than half of the support beams - known as piles - under the structure, going from 52 to 18 to 'minimize additional building settlement.'

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/money/oth...by-26-inches/ar-AASBmHB?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531

 

That made me properly lol

 

Said disk still takes home the "Cosmic Song Contest" every year to universal acclaim.

We are all but a mere "Pale Blue Dot"

https://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/mission/status/

 

Sounds like a bit of a tall story to me!

 

Sorry folks but i feel i should let you all know, I have sadly bowed to the pressure and decided to get the vax, I know this will come as a shock to those who know me and I truly apologise. I went out yesterday and got my first vax. At first there was no problem but this morning my left shoulder is aching like ****, my back is hurting to the point of almost not being able to stand up straight, so i went down to the shops this morning and swapped the vax for a Dyson ♥️

 

US man has pig heart transplant, Rovertiger got the pigs face.

 

I hate you Butler.

 

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 

Read the bottom line.

 

When you shouldn't laugh but do...