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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
    She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
    “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said.
    The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
    The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
     
    #11521
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    There was an Englishman and a Scotsman sitting in a pub having a drink.

    The Englishman was doing a crossword and says to the Scotsman do you know the answer to this one?

    "What do you call a person who is shipwrecked on a desert island? it starts with an M and ends with a D"

    "Marooned" said the Scotsman.

    "Thanks a lot said the Englishman - I'll have a double whiskey"
     
    #11522
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11523
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-12-31_10-11-46.png
     
    #11524
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 31, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    FB_IMG_1640945361295.jpg
     
    #11525
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 31, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  6. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-12-31_13-31-9.jpeg
     
    #11526
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 31, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11527
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11528
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11529
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11530
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?" My wife asked.

    "Can you not wait until you’ve opened your presents tomorrow?" I replied.
     
    #11531
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11532
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  13. DMD

    DMD Eh? Forum Moderator

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    #11533
    DMD, Jan 1, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11534
    Taffvalerowdy, Jan 2, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, BluefromBridgend and 2 others like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A bloke from Yorkshire goes to a jewellers. He says..... "can tha mek a gold statue o mi dog" ?

    Jeweller replies......"Aye cocka I reckon I can, dus tha wannit eighteen carat?"

    Bloke replies " na ya datf get, I wannit chowing a bone !!!"
     
    #11535
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11536
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11537
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11538
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #11539
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was wondering if someone could help me?

    My wife has sent me out to M&S for canapés..

    Is this what she means?

    please log in to view this image
     
    #11540
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 577 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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