BANG! And we're back for REVERSE THE MECHANISM #5. It's like the Fast and Furious franchise, but more entertaining. Southampton play poor, sickly little Newcastle in the first match of 2022. Probably. Unless Newcastle manage to pull the wool over everyone's eyes and postpone the game, so that they can buy hundreds of players in January. The twats. The little bubbas from the North East are managed, of course, by their elder brother, 12 year old Eddie Howe. Howe was strangely desired by some people known as Ralphouters, who were also keen to see our dedicated, restricted, imperfect, passionate, better-than-given-credit-for manager replaced by Fra....hold on, I struggle to do this without laughing. Frank.......err.......Frank HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Sorry. Frank Lampard.... EDDIE HOWE Eddie Howe, of course, looks like the type of guy that would turn up at a BBQ in chinos and boating shoes, whilst trapping you in a corner to talk about investment strategy and ISAs. Following on from Saints win against West Ham and brave/lucky draw against Spurs, we should go into this game with confidence, despite losing Salisu and KWP to suspension, Tino to a knee injury and Che/Lyanco/ Stephens doubtful having got a dose of the Covid. We will still try and play the match though, because we're not absolutely ****ing pathetic. Toon still have players such as the terrifyingly faced Jonjo Shelvey, and small salamander, Miguel Almiron to call on. Jonjo Shelvey Miguel Almiron Famous Geordie, Gordon Sumner, better known as 'massive twat Sting' once wrote a prescient song about the current Newcastle injury 'crisis' called Faking By The Toon. You may know it, and I've taken the liberty of printing it below. Lateral flows are what you take Faking by the Toon. I pretend my leg did break Faking by the Toon. We tell porks forever Faking by the Toon. We could play it never, Faking by, faking by the Toon. Talking cack from Eddie Howe, Faking by the Toon. We can hardly make the ground, Faking by the Toon. My PCR got two red lines, Faking by, faking by the Toon. Some may say I'm wishing my games away. No way, And if it's the price I pay. Saudi Transfers another day. You say, We may as well play Jonjo Shelvey's face does scare, Faking by the Toon. Ryan Fraser looks a mare, Faking by the Toon. We could buy in January, Faking by the Toon. We could buy Mbappe, Faking by, faking by the Toon. Some may say I'm wishing my days away No way And if it's the price I pay Some say Tomorrow's another day You stay I may as well play Keepy ups, keepy ups... (If you came here looking for new castles, please let me direct you here - https://www.christiesrealestate.com/blog/luxurious-castles-bring-romance-into-the-21st-century/)
Another fine thread the win is deserved for this and will be achieved by a superb team effort on Sunday.
I don’t even care about Saints any more, I just want Laces’ threads to continue for at least another 25 seasons. (I do still care btw, but, you know, hyperbole)
Sunday 2nd January 2002. KO 14:00. Southampton v Newcastle United Referee: Chris Kavanagh. Assistants: Dan Cook, Timothy Wood. Fourth official: Andy Madley. VAR: David Coote. Assistant VAR: Peter Kirkup.
I just feel Laces' eternal goading of Eddie Howe is a 'Tom Curse'-level curse in the making. I also feel that, having the advantage of their best players out injured, while it appears to be in our favour, again could act as some sort of curse against us. What else is there? Oh yeah, the calling out of Newcastle for trying to get the game called off, well obviously this is another curse. Then there's Shelvey who naturally will score a 30-yard screamer. In sum we're gonna have to play very well to get anything from this game (yes, this is an anti-curse). If @thereisonlyoneno7 can put 50 big ones on a Newcastle win, then we might scrape a draw.
I think it's cursed just because we are on a roll (2 games is a roll, right?). A bucket of despair is on top of the door waiting for us.
For the neutral, I feel that what is happening at Newcastle is probably the most interesting in the Premier League at the moment. I love reading the BBC football column each morning which tells me all the signings they are going to make. Whilst they may have the money to splash, they are only going to attract mercenaries given their current position in the league and the fact that they are starting to lose ground . I am not sure whether playing under Eddie Howe would be that much of an attraction either as I do not believe he will have much of a name on the continent. I can see this match being a banana skin much akin to when Howe's Bournemouth visited St. Mary's. On paper, it looks like a home win but I have nasty suspicion the game will be called off. I would like to see us absolutely demolish a team this season and it would be nice if it can be Newcastle. Regardless of the outcome, I cannot see Newcastle staying up and I cannot see the cash being spent until next season's promotion campaign either. They are a lost cause already.
I will see at half time how it is going before I place anymore bets. I may have to try to win some other bets before the game though so I can 'afford' to chuck away another wedge
Any rumours about the game being on or off? Maybe we need a swing-o-meter updated hourly on the thread headline. That would keep us all interested & checking in.
Apparently Manquillo's 95th minute booking was the difference number wise for the Everton, sure that's a coincidence
If that's the case, I expect them to be able to fulfil Sunday's fixture. You'd think at least one player who was unavailable for United will be able to play on Sunday.
Hayden will be available (he missed Man Utd because of five yellows), but I think they still need one more. I wouldn't be surprised if that was Fraser, because his injury vs Utd looked minimal. I think it's: Injury - Wilson, ASM, Fraser, Fernandez, Lewis, Dummett Suspended - Manquillo Covid - Ritchie, Willock, Clark (Willock might be an injury - not totally sure)
Saw someone on Twitter (may have been Tom Leach) list out the players we had available for the 9-0 at Man United, and apparently under current rules that game would have been postponed. It will be a joke if this is called off, but considering how useless the Premier League have been with all this, I’m expecting it to be off. That would be annoying as it would be a good time to play them with Wilson and probably Saint-Maximin out. But at the same time, we’re possibly without Tino as well as the suspensions to KWP and Salisu. If it’s called off, will their suspensions be in the FA cup?
