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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11441
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I remember once I was forced to choose between a lifetime supply of Blackpool's finest confectionery, and a lifetime supply of frozen fish.

    I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice........
     
    #11442
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11443
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I am thinking of starting a Elvis Presley themed steak and meat restaurant .

    Just for those who love meat tender........ .
     
    #11444
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    “Been drinking tonight sir?” The police officer asked me last night.
    “I had one earlier, but that was all,” I replied.
    “I think you’ve had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please.”
    “Why?” I asked.
    “Because the Postman Pat ride isn’t really designed for adults and there’s children waiting for their go,”
     
    #11445
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Out of surgery! Had my ear drum replaced with a piece of pig skin!

    My hearing is great now apart from a little crackling.
     
    #11446
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11447
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 14, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    FB_IMG_1639562624327.jpg
     
    #11448
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 15, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11449
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 15, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11450
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 15, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.

  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11451
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 15, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
     
    #11452
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 15, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint and a sandwich

    The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

    "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

    "And you talk!" exclaims the barman.

    "I see your ears are working", says the duck,

    "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?.”

    "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains

    the duck.

    Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

    This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

    "Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

    "Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

    "At the circus", says the barman.

    "The circus?" the duck enquires.

    "That's right", replies the barman.

    "The circus?" the duck asks again.

    "Yes" says the barman

    "That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.

    "Yeah" the barman replies.

    "With all the animals?" the duck questioned.

    "Of Course" the barman replies.

    "With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", ask the duck.

    "That's right!" says the barman.

    The duck looks confused.

    What would they want with a bricklayer?
     
    #11453
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 16, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11454
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 16, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11455
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 16, 2021
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  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #11456
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 16, 2021
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three nuns all get written off in a car smash. The all knock on the Pearly Gates.
    St. Peter takes one look at them:
    "You can't judge a book by it's cover. I'll ask you one question each. If you answer correctly you can come in. If you answer incorrectly, you stoke coal for the rest of your days." Up steps the first nun.
    "Who was the first man on earth?"
    "Adam?" She ventures, uncertainly.
    "You have answered correctly - welcome to Paradise." Up steps the second nun.
    "Who was the first woman on earth?"
    "Was it Eve?"
    "Welcome to your eternal home. Please step forward."
    Finally, Mother Superior steps forward, all confident.
    "Mother Superior, think carefully. Here is your question: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
    Mother Superior goes as white as a ghost. After three hours, St. Peter looks at her sternly. "Well?"
    "That's a hard one."
    "Brilliant! Come on in!"
     
    #11457
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 16, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The downside of being a bomb disposal technician?

    It takes me six hours to open my Christmas presents..........
     
    #11458
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 16, 2021
    Taffvalerowdy, Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2021-12-17_8-47-4.png
     
    #11459
    Gordon Armstrong, Dec 17, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-12-17_14-9-22.png
     
    #11460
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 17, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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