I’ve got a piece of Christmas decoration stuck in my throat, the doctor said it’s the worst case of tinsilitis that he’s ever seen.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world- famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to have a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, "Look at this engine, Doc. I can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish it will work just like a new one. How come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running."
I was in the dentist's chair when he came home early, caught me with his wife and knocked my teeth out ... ... I'm not sure if he was jealous or just drumming up business.
To tell the tooth, it sounds like you deserved filling in, den...ture Did the dentist make a good impression ?
I thought the noise I heard at the dentist was a fire alarm. "Don't worry," he said, "It's just a drill."
I’ve heard that the only people who worry about grammar are old blokes who **** themselves to sleep over a comma being in the wrong place.
I was f*cking a girlfriend in a car on a country lane when there was a tapping at the window. I looked up and there was a copper, and he said "Me next" A couple of minutes later he tapped again and repeated his comment. When I got out of the car I was shaking like a leaf. He said there was no need to be nervous. So I said "It's alright for you, but I've never f*cked a copper before"