A man walks into an Ann Summers shop, and asks for a see through negligee, size 54-52-58. The assistant looks at him and says," Why the f*ck would you want to see through that?".
Advice needed! My children keep finding their Christmas presents that I’ve hidden around the house. Someone suggested that I should just keep them in the loft. So I tried that last night, but their constant crying & whining kept me awake. All the “I’m afraid of the dark” or “I don't like it up here - there are spiders” really got on my nerves. Any other suggestions?
As I was pushing the patient to the operating theatre, I couldn't work out why the NHS always said they were strapped for cash. There was still a pound in his trolley.
The wife and I were having sex when my wife said, "You're taking a very long time tonight. Do you think your alzheimers is starting to affect you?" "Yes", I replied. "I can't remember what your sister looks like!"
I was playing strip poker with the wife earlier and have to admit I was cheating like f*ck. It was the only way I could get her to keep her clothes on.
I'll never understand women. First my wife agrees to a threesome, then she goes right off on one when I tell her it's ok for her to watch from inside the wardrobe