I haven’t bought her flowers for over 40 years!!!! If I did now she would ask “What have you been up to?” It all stems (??) from when I used to have really bad hay fever. Please don’t get me wrong, she comes first and foremost. Football and me are a long way down the list.
Just from reading these posts, I can see how much people on here genuinely care and I'm so glad you are using this thread mate x
If she keeps saying it, she means it. Wild speculation, but I'd guess it would do her good to know you have a few hours of "normality" in your life, and it would help her to think things are "normal" too, rather than having you moping around with a long face (joke) missing the match, which would remind her that things are far from normal.
Just to follow up - I took one of my parents to the Open when their mum was in hospital very poorly. Everyone, including my grandma, told them to go, as they'd always wanted to and it was my treat. I know they were distracted a bit all day, but we could all see they needed a break, and just having something else to focus on and talk about for a few hours did them good, even though it might not have felt like it at the time. Possibly you're in a similar situation TOM and your family think you need a break?
Got her home ok and then had to go back to the ward tonight for her new meds. No way that I can leave her like she is. Her head is all over the place and I think it’s going to be a very long weekend. The conversation went from “are you going up?” to “don’t go” back to “I want you to go”’and then “I don’t want you to go” all in the space of ten minutes and I had not said anything other than to say I didn’t know.
It's something like sixteen years ago (I'm really terrible at keeping dates), but when my mam was about to go, we were all there and I felt that I needed to make a decision. My Dad my Sister and her three Grandchildren were all present when I said, look, we need to go home now. No one argued with that, because I think we all knew. Sure enough we'd been home for about an hour before we got a call from Hull Royal. My eldest niece bravely took that call and dealt with it so well, passed on the news to the rest of us so gently, it just made me so proud of her She has two kids of her own now and they're in very good hands x
TOM you sound like the kind of person anyone would be glad to have by their side when times are tough. The love and care you have for your wife sings out from your posts. But I hope someone is looking out for you too, and you feel able to have a breather for a few hours if and when you need it.
There are three or four around the city now. please log in to view this image Strange story about the first in Hull. My half cousin (I think, not great at geneology), did some computer software work for the original one in West Yorks. Luke Ambler, the founder told him that he could talk a lot and had been let down by someone in Hull, did he fancy setting it up. Him and a couple of mates did so and as you say the rest is history. He's a trustee for the national group and always said it works for that group because he isn't a therapist/counsellor/ mental health worker.
Only you know what you need to do, you certainly have the blessing of your wife. Mrs A went through similar (though not to the same level). Her treatment was during Covid lockdown so it wasn't an issue as there was nowhere to go. Since then on many occasions she has looked forward to her own company. You may actually go to City and not enjoy it as your mind is elsewhere, but even then if you are able to switch off for just a few minutes, it can only be a good thing for both you and Mrs TOM. You do need to look after yourself. Good luck to your wife with her treatment and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF TOO
Thanks, We have been like this since March last year. I couldn't come up now anyway as I have to take her into hospital for more tests tomorrow. Massive improvements in her wellbeing, but she is still weak and a bit flaky. This week has been a journey for us both and it has not been pleasant.
Reminds me of similar when my mum went. She'd been poorly for a while and was admitted to HRI on 15th Dec 2007 (I'm rubbish at dates, but it'll become apparent later). I was advised to get the family together (from all round the UK) as she was unlikely to see the night out. Dad was adamant that he wasn't leaving her. I'd seen that she'd been shoved into her own room and pretty much left, despite her distress, so was in agreement. They actually gave dad a room/ broom cupboard with a bed to get some rest. We took turns to stay with them 24/7. Seems Mum had decided she wasn't going anywhere (she liked xmas!). TEN long days later (xmas day), she actually seemed to have perked up. We managed to persuade dad to come away for some xmas dinner, leaving her by herself. By the time he had got home we'd received a call that she'd passed away. Seems she just wanted to be by herself to die. I recall boxing day, we played Wolves, mates were a bit shocked why I was there when I announced mum had died the day before, but I guess that 10 days gave me the chance to grieve. It actually remains one of my most memorable games, we were starting to dare to dream, KC was buzzing and we won 2-0. Walking back to the pub on the footway and gazing at a lit up HRI was very emotional. Apologies for that reflection, not sure I've particularly shared that before. You triggered something there Kemps!
Sorry to hear that. It's probably some relief you don't have to make the decision tomorrow? Really hope the improvement continues. Thinking of you both. BTW I maybe should know, but where do you travel to City from?
I would like to take this opportunity to ask posters to please take a look around their families. Heal wounds that need healing. Talk instead of silence. Meet instead of staying apart. Ask about them instead of talking about yourself. Family and friends are so very important, not only in the good times but in the bad times as well. I needed to talk but in the end, no matter what my issues have been, someone very very close to me has being going through hell and has only just started the journey back from it. To those who want to say “just pull yourself together - get a grip”. This person had that mindset and now understands just how wrong it is. So if there is someone who you want to say “get a grip” to. Take the time to ask how you can help. Listen and be generous with your time. The reward is that you may see a smile on a sunny day from them in the future, instead of …
