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Off Topic One crisp morning in Sweden…

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Albert's Chip Shop, Nov 12, 2021.

  1. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    One crisp winter morning in Sweden, a cute little girl named Greta woke up to a perfect world, one where there were no petroleum products ruining the earth. She tossed aside her cotton sheet and wool blanket and stepped out onto a dirt floor covered with willow bark that had been pulverized with rocks. “What’s this?” she asked.
    “Pulverized willow bark,” replied her fairy godmother.
    “What happened to the carpet?” she asked.
    “The carpet was nylon, which is made from butadiene and hydrogen cyanide, both made from petroleum,” came the response.
    Greta smiled, acknowledging that adjustments are necessary to save the planet, and moved to the sink to brush her teeth where instead of a toothbrush, she found a willow, mangled on one end to expose wood fibre bristles.
    “Your old toothbrush?” noted her godmother, “Also nylon.”
    “Where’s the water?” asked Greta.
    “Down the road in the canal,” replied her godmother, ‘Just make sure you avoid water with cholera in it”
    “Why’s there no running water?” Greta asked, becoming a little peevish.
    “Well,” said her godmother, who happened to teach engineering at MIT, “Where do we begin?” There followed a long monologue about how sink valves need elastomer seats and how copper pipes contain copper, which has to be mined and how it’s impossible to make all-electric earth-moving equipment with no gear lubrication or tires and how ore has to be smelted to a make metal, and that’s tough to do with only electricity as a source of heat, and even if you use only electricity, the wires need insulation, which is petroleum-based, and though most of Sweden’s energy is produced in an environmentally friendly way because of hydro and nuclear, if you do a mass and energy balance around the whole system, you still need lots of petroleum products like lubricants and nylon and rubber for tires and asphalt for filling potholes and wax and iPhone plastic and elastic to hold your underwear up while operating a copper smelting furnace and . . .
    “What’s for breakfast?” interjected Greta, whose head was hurting.
    "Fresh, range-fed chicken eggs,” replied her godmother. “Raw.”
    “How so, raw?” inquired Greta.
    “Well, . . .” And once again, Greta was told about the need for petroleum products like transformer oil and scores of petroleum products essential for producing metals for frying pans and in the end was educated about how you can’t have a petroleum-free world and then cook eggs. Unless you rip your front fence up and start a fire and carefully cook your egg in an orange peel like you do in Boy Scouts. Not that you can find oranges in Sweden anymore.
    “But I want poached eggs like my Aunt Tilda makes,” lamented Greta.
    “Tilda died this morning,” the godmother explained. “Bacterial pneumonia.”
    “What?!” interjected Greta. “No one dies of bacterial pneumonia! We have penicillin.”
    “Not anymore,” explained godmother “The production of penicillin requires chemical extraction using isobutyl acetate, which, if you know your organic chemistry, is petroleum-based. Lots of people are dying, which is problematic because there’s not any easy way of disposing of the bodies since backhoes need hydraulic oil and crematoriums can’t really burn many bodies using as fuel Swedish fences and furniture, which are rapidly disappearing - being used on the black market for roasting eggs and staying warm.”
    This represents only a fraction of Greta’s day, a day without microphones to exclaim into and a day without much food, and a day without carbon-fibre boats to sail in, but a day that will save the planet.
    Tune in tomorrow when Greta needs a root canal and learns how Novocain is synthesized.
     
    #1
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  2. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    F5B5B9E6-7E1F-4E24-911F-5F5B3FD84998.jpeg

    These two posts pinched off FB.
     
    #2
  3. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

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  4. Roland Deschain

    Roland Deschain Well-Known Member

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    But, but, but what about housing insulation?
     
    #4
  5. Ben 10

    Ben 10 Well-Known Member

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    Did Pouchy write that?
     
    #5
  6. Toonitus

    Toonitus Well-Known Member

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    She's a warrior I respect her
     
    #6
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  7. Prince Isak (GG)

    Prince Isak (GG) Well-Known Member

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    Modern day anarchy. Her beliefs are to be listened to. But her methods are provocative.
     
    #7
  8. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    She’s a hypocrite.

    flies everywhere to complain about…. People flying everywhere….

    she should broadcast from a shack on a Swedish us and if she wants credibility.
     
    #8
  9. Toonitus

    Toonitus Well-Known Member

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    That wouldn't work... Hope what she's doing does work.

    People have to travel and exist but things need to change. That's the point and she's out there taking hits. Fair play to her...
     
    #9
  10. Prince Isak (GG)

    Prince Isak (GG) Well-Known Member

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    The issues are there for all to see however we (humans) can’t just keep ignoring it.

    Her point is valid and her reasons are too.

    I don’t necessarily agree with her methods but at least she is trying to do something which may all be in vain anyways.

    Money is more important to the people driving the change than the future of the planet I am afraid.

    They don’t see it as their problem. But they have lots of numbers in their bank accounts. That’s more important.
     
    #10

  11. LiamO

    LiamO Well-Known Member

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    Don't worry about lads.

    We'll have blown ourselves up before anyone realises the Earth is getting a wee bit toasty!

    Can't wait till it's 38C on Tynemouth beach in November!

    <cheers>
     
    #11
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  12. Erik

    Erik Well-Known Member

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    It's a load of overblown nonsense and I detest that turnip-faced little ****
     
    #12
  13. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    what do you really think though fella?
    You seem to be sitting on the fence.
     
    #13
  14. Ben 10

    Ben 10 Well-Known Member

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  15. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>....it's ages since I've heard that wonderful insult.
     
    #15
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  16. Magdad

    Magdad cult leader

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    It's just missing the word wee from the sentence :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #16
  17. Prince Isak (GG)

    Prince Isak (GG) Well-Known Member

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    All them brains. All them country’s. Millions of people and pounds spent. Hours and hours and hours of people wondering what to do.

    And she says it’s blah blah blah. Easy to fix.

    It’s people like this that make me annoyed. They suggest it’s broken but don’t suggest any answers.

    It’s like your wife having a flat tyre and calling you to come and fix it.
     
    #17
  18. Darren Peacock’s Ponytail

    Darren Peacock’s Ponytail Well-Known Member

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    You are the answer
     
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