Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Blackadder goes forth is a classic for me so funny but the way they ended it was brilliant.

Going over the top and heading towards machine gun fire, can't even comprehend how that must have felt.

 

With my wife, it was sex, sex, sex... Yes, three times in 30 years...

 

Yep totally agree

 

What's the best cheese for hiding horses?

Mascarpone

 

Looking back, I can pinpoint the precise moment that my marriage turned sour.
We were in bed, kissing and caressing each other, running our hands up and down each others bodies, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure.
After what seemed like hours, we brought each other to a shuddering climax and I held her in my arms.
She brought her lips close to my ear, to whisper words of love...
And that's when my wife walked in.

 

Best avoid this one lads.....

 

A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower. He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?" He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion. his wife wasn't sure and said "What?" He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake" His wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell IHe could even come close to that one. Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?" She replies: "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!

 

China Had Invented A Machine That Catches Thieves; They Took It Out To Different Countries For A Test!!

U.S, in 30 minutes it Caught 20 Thieves
Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 Thieves!
Swaziland, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 Thieves
Zimbabwe, in 2 minutes it caught 200,000 Thieves
Liverpool, in 5 minutes the Machine was GONE!

 

brilliant mate really enjoyed it