Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I called my boss this morning and said, "I won't be coming in today, my brother died last night."
"How many brothers do you have?" he asked.
"6," I replied.
"Gotcha!" he said. "You've used this excuse 7 times now. How is this possible?"
I said, "I used to have 13 brothers!"

 

Women goes into shop that said fanny licking frog for sale £25. “ Can II see this fanny licking frog” she said. “ Bonjour madam” said the shopkeeper.

 

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian war party. The chief said "So you are the great lone ranger. In honour of the great buffalo hunt you will be killed in three days but we will grant you one request each day. What is you request today?"

The lone ranger said "I'd like to talk to my horse, silver."

Silver is brought over to the lone ranger and lone ranger whispers into his ear. Silver gallops off and a few hours later comes back with a very beautiful blonde, who spends the night in the lone rangers tent. The following day the chief was very impressed but said "you are still gong be killed in two days so what is your next request?" Again the lone ranger said "I'd like to speak to my horse" and whispers into his ear and again silver gallops off. A few hours later he came back with a brunette even more beautiful than the blonde and she also spends the night in the lone rangers tent. The following day the chief again was very impressed but said "you are still going to be killed tomorrow, so what is your last request?"
Again the lone ranger said "I would like to speak to my horse."
The lone ranger grabs both of Silver's ears and whispers "listen very carefully this time . . . . bring posse."

 

A photon checks into a hotel.

“Do you have any luggage?” the receptionist asks.

Photon replies, “No . . . . I’m travelling light”.

 

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

 

So that's how he comes up with all those meaningful and musical lyrics!

 

This is definitely the worst weekend of the year to send up a distress flare.

 

Ginger beer - because Gingers don't deserve real beer.
It's just a joke !

 

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone.

So is this !

 

I was a war hero who developed a system of camouflage whereby people were painted to blend in with wallpaper and paint ...

... it was so successful I was highly decorated after the war.