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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  2. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  3. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the podium.

    She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

    You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.

    "Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."

    We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.

    "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

    All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

    A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
     
    #11364
    Nig, cumbrianmackem, Draig and 3 others like this.
  5. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
    After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
    Doing so he asked her,
    'Do you know what I am doing?'
    'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or
    Dermatological abnormalities.'
    'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
    'Do you know what I am doing now?'
    he asked.
    'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.'
    'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
    Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
    'Do you know what I am doing now?'
    'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting syphilis: which is why I came
    here in the first place
     
    #11366
    Philftm, Nig, Draig and 3 others like this.
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show
    in a small fishing town.
    With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some standard dumb
    blonde jokes.

    Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts
    shouting:

    "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can
    stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's
    hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep
    women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from
    reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others
    think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate
    discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically
    all in the name of humor!"

    The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted
    and screamed:

    "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little **** on your lap."
     
    #11367
    Nig, Nordic, gelders pie and 7 others like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Ann had lost her husband almost four years ago.
    Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
    Finally, Ann said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

    Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom I have someone for you to meet."

    Well, it was an immediate hit.
    They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
    he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont ..
    Their first night there, she undressed as he did
    There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

    She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."

    He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
    The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom ..

    She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

    He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"
     
    #11368
  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    I went to the bookstore and saw a book called 'How to solve 50% of your problems' . . . . so I bought two :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #11379
    Saf, gelders pie, Draig and 1 other person like this.
  20. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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